hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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