I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
