Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
