I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
