I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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