We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
