Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
