Girls should come with a carfax report
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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