Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
