In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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