the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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