so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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