singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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