i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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