I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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