Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
