it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
