Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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