so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
