Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
