so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
