I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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