batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
