The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
