I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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