it wasn't lemon gatorade
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
