I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
