I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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