She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize