Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
