I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
