please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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