So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
