you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
