Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
