Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
