summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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