There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize