Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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