Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
