you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
