Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
