So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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