So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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