Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
