you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize