Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
