white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
