Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
