I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
