It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
