I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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