i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
