A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize