Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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