Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I died a long time ago.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
