if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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