We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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