Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
