I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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