I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
