making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
