I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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