What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
