all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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