I want to have your abortion
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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