mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
