All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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