I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
