We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
