i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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