so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
