Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We're too hungover to prance.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
