My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
