U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I would ride that face into the sunset
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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