I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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