There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
