I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize