Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
