Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
