We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
