Porn is love you can see.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we're making bets on your personal life
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
