Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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