I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The best revenge is premature balding
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
