She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
