we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
