Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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