Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
