help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
