so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
