I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
