found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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