this beer tastes like vomit already
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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