things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
