I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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