Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
