The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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