i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
