We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
