I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
