Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
