Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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