WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
