Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
