Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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