there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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