Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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